another post about friends.
I've been making new friends in Sioux City, the married-and-having-babies type of friends, the type of friends you're supposed to have when you're married I suppose, because then you have 'couples' to hang out with rather than random singles. Adam needed new friends too, and we love these couples - they're all fun and unique people and we can, and have been, learning a lot from them about marriage and life as a married couple... And we've made friend with them AS a couple so there's none of the 'his friend and the wife i have to be friends with because they are friends' kind of stuff (not that we really have that anyway)...
But, while i'm trying to put time and effort into creating and nurturing these friendships, I have moments where I want to just sigh and give up and go back to the friends i know and love and am at home with.
Girls are tough people. We know it. We get emotional and worked up about things, we get offended and take things personally way more than guys do and as friends we have to learn the ticks of the others, and get over them, before we can truly love and accept them as people close to us. It takes work to get to that point. It takes some trial and error, some hurting, offending, crying and apologizing to learn about girls. And if we never do that, even with the most even-keel, non-emotional, laid-back girls then we always stay a little bit on the surface and we never reach the level of friendship that we need in our lives.
It's hard to do that. I've done it already and i just want to be done. I want to yell sometimes "I HAVE my friends, i don't NEED new ones!" but I know, in the future, I will. I'll always have my good friends now, but I'll need girls in driving distance, girls i see frequently, who i can share the everyday trials and joys of marriage and life with. I need to build these relationships while I still have my already-built relationships nearby. Because when my roomie moves Down Under and when someday the Ne. Lawyer skips the midwest (which she will, oh yes!) If I haven't built these friendships already doing it will be just a little tougher.
So I'll dig my heels in when I have to. I'll listen to them and love them and learn about them. I'll try open up to them and let them open up to me, and then someday when I need to be there to be a shoulder or if I'm the one that needs a shoulder.. I won't have to hop a plane...
posted by yellowgirl @ 11:14 AM
2 Comments:
WHO IS MOVING DOWN UNDER??? I want to go there too!!!!
One thing I've learned is that you can't force those things. If you have one or two TRUE friends in your lifetime, you are a blessed person. Some people never get even that.
That said, it is important to have people around you to hang out with, to love, to share your life with. Because we do need people around us to gush about the sale we found, later babies and eventually dentures, etc.
But the true friends - they come along rarely. Those are the people who you can share your soul with - be naked and exposed and still be loved. By "loved" I don't mean eating ice cream and watching movies together, but more like being true, honest and always seeking the best in the other. That's what true friendships are. Those are so hard to come by.
And I am fine with that -- makes me truly value and appreciate the real deals :)
It's true that you can't force them, but you need those friendships every place you are - and they will always take work - whether they are a friend who fits into a phase in life or a friend that ends up lasting forever... Right now, i'm knowing i'll need the friends that fit into the phase in life...
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